I lay my head against the window as the bus passed through another small town. Tears streamed down my face and I closed my eyes, hoping it would all just go away. I fell asleep thinking of the talk I had with my biological father the year before.
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"Come in. Have a seat." My father nodded at the chair before his desk. I stepped into the room through the double doored entrance. The office, like the rest of the house, was impeccable. It was one of the finest houses on the golf course. I'd never been in such an incredible house. The ceiling rose twenty feet in the main entry, the view out the back windows was overlooking the whole valley and the rest of the city. I swallowed and sat down. My eyes took in the right wall, panelled with dark wooden bookshelves. There were a few books, a few framed photos, but not a spec of dust. My stepmother, Patsy, saw to that. Every inch of the house was clean and organized.
He pulled out his own chair, behind the impressive desk, and sat down.
"So you and I are going to have a little talk. You understand?" His voice was hard, demanding. I nodded. "So what's this I hear about you not listening to your mother?" His dark eyes stared at me intently as he waited for my response. His presence was intimidating. I took a deep breath.
"Well, it's kinda hard to explain. I'm, I'm, I'm not sure if you'll understand." I stuttered.
"Try me." He said.
"They're drinking and doing drugs all the time." I said.
"Who's they?" He asked.
"My mom and Greg." I answered.
"Well how would you know that?" He asked. I raised my eyebrows and looked at him.
"Because I've seen it." I said. He leaned forward in his chair.
"Ok, tell me what you saw. What the fuck is going on over there?"
So I told him.
I couldn't sleep. The noise was so loud. I threw off my covers in frustration and opened the window. "Can you guys keep it down!" I called out to them. I heard laughter, one of men even went so far as to repeat me in a high pitched voice. "Can you keep it down!" The group laughed.
"Go to bed." Someone said.
"I'm trying to go to bed. You guys are too loud. If you're outside why do you have to have the music in the house playing so loud?" I returned.
"So that we can hear it!" Someone replied. There was renewed laughter. I shut the window.
Just then the door opened and a little body filled the doorway.
"I can't sleep" My little sister said. I took her five year old hand and led her to my bed. I handed her my teddy bear.
"Stay here and cuddle my little bear. I'll be right back and you can stay with me." I whispered. Then I left the room. I walked down the hall, blinking at the bright lights in the living room. The old Sony sound system was blaring honky-tonk country music. I glared at it and then took in the rest of the living room. Piles of clothing were strewn everywhere. Mens jeans, womens panties, t-shirts. Every surface available had at least two or three empty bottles on it. The house smelled of stale cigarette smoke, dog urine and spilt beer. The two pot plants next to the TV almost took up the whole front window. They stank, too. I looked at the clock. It was 2am. On a school night.
I snuck quietly down the stairs and looked out the door. There were about 8 people in the hot tub out on the front deck. The steam rose from the pool and in the dark I couldn't see their faces. I could see the beer bottles and cans surrounding the tub. Someone had a joint lit and they were passing it around. I could see the warm cherry as it brightened with each toke. I took a deep breath. This was not okay. I couldn't let this be ok. It seemed like these parties were happening almost every night. The next morning I would be responsible for getting the kids ready for school. The bus came at 7am. This wasn't fair!
I set my jaw and locked the door. "Fuck em." I thought and went back to the bedroom, stopping to lock the other doors and turn off the music. I turned off the lights in the living room and went to bed. My little sister was still awake. She turned her big blue eyes to mine.
"It's quiet now." She said.
"Yeah." I replied. Not for long. I thought.
I cracked the window so that I could hear what was going on. She snuggled up to me and closed her eyes. I held her and stroked her hair. It was long and soft and white. She was so beautiful. I kissed her forehead and waited.
They must have been quite out of it, because it took a while for them to realize that the music had stopped. "Turn the fucking music on!" A male voice yelled. I didn't move. "The little bitch turned the music and the lights off." He said. Then I heard my mother. Her voice was slurred and druken.
"Cassandra!" She yelled. "Turn the music back on, right NOW!"
I waited.
There was a splashing sound as someone stumbled out of the hot tub, knocking over beer bottles, stumbling towards the door.
"It's locked! That little cunt LOCKED the fucking door!" He said.
I smiled.
"You're telling me that you locked them out of the house? Naked?" My father asked.
"Yes, sir." I said.
"What did they do?" He asked.
"I think they must have gone to someone else's house." I said. "I didn't see them until after school. Then I was slapped across the face and grounded forever."
"How do you know they were smoking pot?" He asked.
"Because I caught my mom rolling green stuff in a rolling paper. I asked her if it was what I thought it was. She said yes." I said.
"Do you do drugs?" He asked.
"No! In school they say that drugs are bad, that bad people do drugs. They teach us to say no, to call the police. I didn't call the police because I don't want my mom to go to jail. You have to talk to them. Tell them to be normal again, please." I begged.
"I'll do what I can." He said.
"I don't want to be there. Please let me stay here with you." I asked.
"No, you can't." He said. My heart sank.
The next day spring break ended and I was sent back to Alberta.
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The bus came to a stop, waking me from my reverie. We had arrived in Calgary. My heart pounded in my chest as we stepped off the bus.
"What are you going to do?" Austin asked.
"I'm going to hide." I said. "I'm not going back. I'm going to call social services and ask them to take me to the runaway shelter." I hugged him.
"I'm going back." He said.
"I know. It's okay. Look out for the little ones for me, okay? Tell them I'm sorry I had to leave them behind. I don't know how I'm going to take care of myself - I can't take care of them too."
"Yeah." He said and walked towards the door.
I grabbed my bag, looked around to see if anyone was watching, and then ran a few buses down and crouched behind the shadow of a bus. I stayed there for a long time. It might have been half and hour, maybe an hour. Then I stood up and went into the terminal. It was mostly empty. I crossed over to the payphone and lifted the reciever. I dialed the 1-800 number.
"Kids Help Line" A female voice answered.
"Hi. I need help. I ran away. I can't go back."
"Where are you?" She asked.
"In the bus station, in Calgary." I said.
"Stay where you are, I'll call a local worker to come see you and get you some help. What is your name?"
"Cassandra."
"How old are you?"
"I'm fourteen."
