Chapter three

"So there you were, waiting alone in the bus depot in Calgary." The psychologist said.

"Yeah". I said.

"And you had told your father earlier that year that you weren't doing drugs?" He asked.

"At that point in time - I wasn't."  I replied.  "I didn't start skipping school and doing drugs until after... after I lost my virginity."

"You had mentioned before that the boy you had a crush on raped you.  Can you tell me about that?" He asked.

I took a deep breath and looked at the wall, letting it out in a big sigh.  "I might as well." I said.  "You know my family says I'm lying about being raped don't you?" 

 He blinked and said "I'm not concerned about what they think right now.  I want to hear what happened so that I can do my best to help you."  I looked at him skeptically and sat back in the chair.  My eyes wandered up to the ceiling and I wondered where to start.  That whole period of time felt like another life.  One event linked to the next.  I found myself wanting him to understand - to believe me.

"I guess I have to start with the time I went to live with my Dad." I began.

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I awoke and opened my eyes to my new room.  For a moment I was disorientated and then I remembered where I was.  In my father's house.  He had just picked me up from my mom's acreage in Alberta the day before, and we had driven for hours and hours south - across the border into the United States where he had a house in Idaho near Cour-d'Alene.  I hadn't even unpacked my stuff yet.  I didn't have much.  Clothes, a few trinkets, an old teddy bear.  Being thirteen didn't come with a lot of personal possessions.

Looking around the room I took it in.  Two double beds with matching bedding, a wide dresser with a mirror on top, a walk in closet and my own bathroom.  The high ceiling made the room feel even bigger than it was. It was bring and light colored.  I lay in the bed closest to the window.  The room felt big and imposing.  Impersonal.  I was looking forward to putting up some posters and taking the other bed out.  Wow!  To have such a big room and it was mine!  All mine!  I bounced out of bed and headed for the kitchen.  Stopping at the entry, I caught my breath.  The view was amazing.

Seated on a bench above the city, the house was on the edge of a cliff that looked out over the valley.  The sun streamed in the windows and reflected onto the walls, climbing the heights up to a ceiling that must have been twenty feet above me.  The home was decorated in a south-western theme with turquoise, pink and brown accents highlighting the mostly cream-colored living space.  My father and step mother were already in the kitchen, having coffee.  I pulled up a stool to the bar that wrapped