Chapter Two point Two

Nothing happened.

 I groaned in dissapointment.  We were so totally screwed.  We sat there, staring at each other in the dim interior of the car.  Maybe we should just give up. This is NOT how I thought it would be.

“Do they have any other cars?” Austin asked.  I thought for a minute.

“Yes, there is the station wagon parked beside the ranch house.  It’s the one Jolene always drives.  She’s the librarian in town.  But they’d hear it.  We’d get caught.” I told him.

“What if we roll it away from the house before we start it?” He asked.  I thought about it. But I don’t want to take the car that they need…I wanted to take the old one that nobody cared about.  I like them, they are good people…but we have to go.. What do I do?  

“Let’s go check it out.” I said, my heart heavy.  The Rancher had always been good to me.  Bruce was his name.  He taught me how to take care of the horses.  He let me pet them, feed them.  He showed me how to halter and tie, how to lead.  He let me play with the foals and walk amongst the pregnant mares in the meadows. He took me with him to horse shows and let me follow him around, learning everything I could.  He was a better friend to me than my own parents had been.  You shouldn’t take the car. He’s a good man. -Yeah but they can get another car with the insurance money.  Once it’s reported missing and stuff they will be able to buy a new car, and as long as you don’t get caught with it they won’t ever know. But what if you get caught? - If I get caught I’ll kill myself.  I don’t want to go back there.  Not ever.  They hate me.  Everyone hates me.  My mom, my dad, the kids at school.  I’ve got to get away.

Mom loves you! - No she doesn’!  She punished me when I woke up in the hospital after I tried to kill myself a few months back.  She ignored me and didn’t even ask “Why?”  She just went home to a vodka tonic and left me alone in my room.  Why didn’t she ask why???  I would have told her that the boy I had a crush on raped me that day.  That I lost my virginity, that he laughed at me and called me a whore. I would have told her that my whole world went black.  That my soul felt dead.  That everything in my life was wrong and ruined and hurting.  - They wouldn’t have believed you anyways.  They say you’re a useless little bitch.  That’s what they say.

 We snuck over to the house, peeking out from behind the bushes.  The moon hid slightly behind the house and the car was in shadow. I took a deep breath and crouched behind the car, opening the door closest to the bushes.  The keys were in the ignition.  I nodded at Austin, turning the keys backwards, unlocking the steering wheel and putting the car in nuetral.  The interior of the car smelled like road dust and vanilla. We began pushing it slowly down the gravel driveway - away from the house.  The rocks creaked and crackled beneath the tires and my heart pounded with fear and adrenaline.

Finally we were as far away as we could be.  We’d have to chance starting it now and driving away.  I hopped into the drivers seat, closing the door so gently that it barely latched.  I held my breath as I turned the key and started the engine.  The car roared to life.  Keeping the headlights off I turned down the lane - the car now hidden by the giant trees.  I always loved riding the horses down this lane through the trees.  It’s so beautiful.  - Yeah - You won’t be doing that anymore. - It doesn’t matter.  Nothing matters except getting away from here.  They will hate you. -  So what?  Everybody hates me.

We drove away from the small backwater hamlet and I buried my guilt deep within my heart.  It lay blanketed in loathing, fear and pain so deep I couldn’t even feel it.

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“What happened next?” The psychologist asked, peering with genuine interest over his glasses.  I shook my head. What had I told him?  I couldn’t remember.  Did I say everything or was some of that in my head.  I stared at him blankly, acutely aware that my legs were both stuck to the leather chair.  I hate leather furniture when it's hot out.

“What happened after you stole the car?” He said.

“Well, we almost fucking died.” I snapped at him, and stared at the carpet, at his foot in it’s black leather shoe.  At the laces falling just so.  Finally I sighed and sat back in the chair, looking up at him.

“We decided to head East.  To go to see my Uncle and his family.  They always had such a normal family.  No divorce.  No fighting.  Not much money but so much love.  I always wanted to have that.  There was also a boy there that I met once that I liked - and I thought he liked me.  So we were driving on the highway towards Manitoba.  Just after we passed Calgary, I’d say about two hours in, I was tired so I asked Austin to drive…”

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What the hell is going on? I thought as I awoke suddenly, thrown to the side of my seat.  I sat up instantly, hearing Austin scream “Oh my God!” as he rapidly spun the wheel first one way, and then the other.  Then we were spinning, spiraling madly down the highway.  The rubber of the tires shrieked and there was no time to do anything except scream.  Time slowed to the spaces between my heartbeats and I saw the solid line of the highway, giving way to the ditch.

“Hold on!” I screamed as we spun around, the car falling backwards, rolling into a steep gully.  The side of the hill was bumpy and seemed to go on forever.  I envisioned us falling off a cliff, hitting a tree, exploding.  

The car stopped.  I sat in the passenger seat, breathing heavily.  Looking wildly around.  Austin was trembling, his face buried in his hands on the steering wheel.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry!!” He repeated, breathless and terrified.

“It’s okay.” I said and hugged him.  ”We’re okay! It’s over!”  He lifted his head and opened his eyes.

 ”We’re okay?” He said, looking puzzled.  Then he smiled.  I smiled back at him and our euphoria at being alive kicked in.  We hadn’t exploded!  We weren’t hurt.  We were okay!  We laughed until our sides hurt - discharging the nervous tension and adrenaline.  Then we got out of the car to take stock of the damage.